A Playground for Pretentiousness
Scroll through LinkedIn for five minutes, and you’ll see a predictable cycle of contrived success stories, performative vulnerability, and job-seeking despair:
"I just landed my dream job after months of struggle! Never give up!"
"Here’s a long-winded story about how I failed once, but it made me a better person. #GrowthMindset"
"I'm so honored to have received this random award that nobody has heard of! #Humbled #Blessed #Leadership"
"I applied to 5,000 jobs and didn’t get a single response. Thanks for nothing, LinkedIn."
The platform is a pretentious echo chamber where people pretend to be inspirational while secretly hoping to one-up each other. They share self-congratulatory posts, humble-brag about job offers, and use exaggerated personal struggles to rack up likes and comments. It’s a corporate theater, and everyone is playing a role.
The Fake Professionalism Illusion
LinkedIn brands itself as a professional network, but let’s be honest—it’s just Facebook with a tie on. People post personal rants, fake success stories, and irrelevant memes, all under the guise of “professional development.” The same way Facebook is fake in a social sense, LinkedIn is fake in a career sense. At least Facebook doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a digital hangout for socializing and drama.
Meanwhile, LinkedIn is overrun with people attempting to manufacture credibility. Suddenly, everyone is a “business strategist,” “AI consultant,” or “industry disruptor.” Titles are fluffed up, skills are exaggerated, and "endorsements" come from people who have never worked with you. You can endorse someone for "quantum physics", and all they did was binge-watch a Neil deGrasse Tyson documentary once.
Job Hunting on LinkedIn: A Time-Wasting Circus
For all its self-promotion as a job-hunting tool, LinkedIn is a graveyard for applications. People apply for hundreds of jobs, only to be met with ghosting, rejection, or silence. The “Easy Apply” button? Useless. It throws your resume into a black hole of algorithms, never to be seen again.
Recruiters use LinkedIn like a dating app, sending copy-paste messages to random people, half of whom aren’t even remotely qualified for the roles they’re pitching. Meanwhile, real job seekers pour their souls into applications, only to get ignored for weeks, months, or forever.
If LinkedIn were truly about connecting people with jobs, it wouldn’t be 95% corporate flexing and 5% actual hiring.
Brown-Nosing and Performative Gratitude
One of the most exhausting things about LinkedIn is the relentless corporate brown-nosing. Everyone is “grateful” for every minor opportunity, endlessly thanking their "mentors" and "leaders" for simply existing. It’s a competition of who can fake the most gratitude while secretly angling for a promotion.
"Huge shoutout to my incredible boss for allowing me to breathe today. Truly blessed to be in such an inspiring organization!"
"I want to take a moment to thank everyone I’ve ever met in my life. Without you, I wouldn’t be here today. #Thankful #Leadership #CorporateSynergy"
Let’s be real—this isn’t sincerity. It’s a strategy to climb the corporate ladder, nothing more.
The Award for the Most Useless Social Media Platform Goes To…
LinkedIn takes the prize for the most useless, cringeworthy, and fake social media platform out there. It’s not about professional networking—it’s about posturing, virtue signaling, and survival in the cutthroat world of corporate branding.
At least Facebook doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not. LinkedIn, on the other hand, is just a glorified networking scam where people try to out-fake each other for clout.
So, what has this anti-social platform actually done to help people? Other than inflate egos, generate empty engagement, and make job seekers feel miserable, the answer is: not much.
